What Really Happened
by SCWLC
Summary: Cracktastic Zutara fic about the 'real' reason things ended up the way they did. This is supposed to be silly, people. Don't take it seriously.
1. Everything here is wrong

Title: What Really Happened

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: A somewhat cracktastic way to get Katara and Zuko together in a post-finale world.

Notes: This is crack. If someone wants to take this and make it into a serious piece, be my guest, but as it stands, this is silly fun.

* * *

"Ah-hah!" Toph crowed in triumph as she marched into the throne room where Aang and Zuko were proposing simultaneously to their girlfriends. Aang looked up from where he was placing the necklace with a carved orange stone on a yellow ribbon on Katara's neck, and Zuko looked up from where he was putting the family heirloom betrothal comb into Mai's hair.

"Ah-hah what?" Aang asked, a little put out the moment was being spoiled.

"Can't it wait?" Katara and Zuko chorused at the earthbender.

Toph just smirked. "No, it can't." She waved a hand, and a metal box, very similar to the one that had once held Bumi captive floated into the room with her. "I now have definite proof that everything in this room right now is wrong. I plan to stop that."

"Everything, Toph?" Zuko asked, somewhat amused, wrapping his arms around Mai and pulling her against him.

Toph nodded firmly. "Everything," she said. She pointed at the box. "I knew something had happened when, after everything, you wound up with needles over there and Sweetness agreed to go out with Twinkletoes."

"What?" The four chorused blankly.

"Yup," she said cheerfully. "It's Azula's final plot," she told them. "Just in case. She knows that Katara would push you to really reform things around here, not to mention that you were going to switch sides," she told Zuko. "So when she saw the sparks flying under Ba Sing Se, she made sure to have a little insurance policy."

"Sparks?" Katara said in disbelief. "Nothing happened. We argued, we talked about our mothers, I offered to heal him and then he turned on us when his sister attacked. What sparks?"

"How forgivingly you put it," Zuko said dryly. "But that's right. Nothing happened, Toph."

The earthbender smirked. "That's what Azula wanted you to think. You were down there way longer than could be accounted for from your stories," Toph said. "So that got me thinking. What if something happened and you didn't remember?"

"Why wouldn't they remember?" Aang asked. "The Dai Li? Like with Jet?"

"Exactly!" Toph declared triumphantly. "So I went and I found the guy who did it."

Zuko let go of Mai and sank into a chair. "Kuei's going to have my head for this stunt Toph. No matter how much I tell him I had nothing to do with it. Thanks for the headache."

The other three all joined him, sitting at the table shaking their heads. "Toph, that's crazy," Katara said.

"No. What's crazy is that he's with Needles when he loves you and you're with Twinkletoes when you love him."

"What?" chorused all four a second time.

Toph's smirk grew to epic and frightening proportion. "And now, I'm going to prove it. Hit it, guys!" Having absolutely no warning, they were knocked out and dragged off by a cohort of former Dai Li under Toph's command.

All four woke up, hours later, Zuko and Katara having been deprogrammed by the Dai Li. Aang was the first to wake up and rushed to Katara's side. "Katara!" He checked her over, relieved to see nothing more serious than a bump on the head. She was uninjured and breathing fine. "Toph! What is going on!"

"I told you," Toph said. "I'm fixing Azula's last plan."

Katara, Zuko and Mai all groaned and started to wake up. Aang hurried back to Katara's side. "Katara! Are you okay?"

She sat up, a hand to her head, and said, "Yeah, Aang. I'm – Zuko!" She whipped around, immediately starting to check Zuko over. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," replied the firebender. "I'm . . . okay." He trailed off, staring into Katara's eyes for a moment. Then suddenly the pair were kissing. Hard. Lots. With tongue and moaning. Aang and Mai stared, horrified, at the display. "I'm so sorry," Zuko told Katara when they finally stopped. He rested his forehead against hers. "I should have . . . I don't know. I should have remembered. I should have at least not gone out with Mai."

Mai squeaked, but no one noticed. Katara replied, "I know. I should have told you. I should have known that I was angrier than I should have been for such a short conversation. I . . ." Words seemed to fail her and Zuko pulled her against him.

"It's okay." Zuko told her. "We're okay."

Katara snuggled into him. "I'm just so angry. She took away everything. The night we spent while you were trying to use me as bait with the pirates and we kissed, the talk we had at the North Pole . . ."

"When you found me and Uncle and gave me those herbs to help him even after I told you to leave," Zuko continued. "Everything that happened under Ba Sing Se," he said, one hand caressing Katara's face, softly. "I love you. Marry me?"

"Yes!" Katara flipped around and flung her arms around Zuko, kissing him fervently again.

"Whu?" said Aang.

"Buh-?" said Mai.

"Muh-"

"Yih-"

Toph shoved the two out of the room. "Yeah, yeah. We get it. Shock and surprise."

Katara and Zuko were too involved in each other to notice.


	2. Waterbending Scroll  behind the scenes

After all the anger, upset and general panic had faded, just one question began to come up again and again. What, exactly, had Azula had the Dai Li wipe from Katara and Zuko's minds? It was a question posed frequently among the members of the small group of heroes, just never to the two in question.

The two in question were rather thoroughly oblivious to this because when they weren't arguing about how Zuko was ruling the Fire Nation ("You need to make sure _everyone_ is represented at court, Zuko. Not just the nobles." "What do you want me to do? Have a council with someone from every village and hamlet as well as the regional governors and city representatives? That would be a council of a thousand. We'd never get anything done."), they were arguing about the wedding ("You can either eat the papaya and get married, or not eat the papaya and we'll just install you as my concubine." "What? Your stupid ritual doesn't leave room for people who throw up when they eat papaya?").

When that wasn't going on they were in a state of honeymoon-like bliss and lovey-doveyness that no one wanted to interfere with because everyone was afraid of their teeth falling out if they got too close to the sugary sweetness that was Katara and Zuko ("You know, even your hair tangles are perfect." "Oh, Zuko! You're so romantic!").

They were at a big family dinner hosted in the Fire Lord's private dining room when Suki got up the gumption to ask. Mostly because if they had to watch the pair feeding each other any more food, someone was going to be sick. Or so Sokka had said as he stuffed two sausages into his mouth at once.

"Oh, there was a lot," Katara responded. "I mean, sure, everything that happened at Ba Sing Se got twisted around, but she made us forget all the other stuff too."

"Like what?" demanded Sokka around half a baked potato. He'd developed rather a taste for the things since arriving at the Fire Nation.

Zuko smiled sappily at Katara, "Like our first kiss," he replied.

"_I'll save you from the pirates," he told her menacingly. In short order she was tied to the tree. He turned to the gathering of Fire Nation soldiers and pirates and said, "Could you give us a little privacy? I'd like to try a more . . . delicate touch before we start threatening."_

_The pirates had laughed and given them some space. The soldiers had somehow become even more stoic and marched just out of earshot if one were speaking quietly. Iroh had shot his nephew a somewhat disapproving look, but had acquiesced._

"_If you think I'll tell you anything, you can forget it," Katara snapped. Zuko ignored that and said, "If you tell me where the Avatar is, I can do a lot for you."_

"_Like what?" she asked breathlessly._

"_Like this."_

_He kissed her and she melted into—_

"Oh, it did _not_ happen like that," Katara said. "If you're going to tell it, stop trying to sound like a cheap romance scroll."

"_I can do a lot for you."_

"_Like what?" she asked skeptically. Anything to play for time until Aang and Sokka could come and get her out of this mess._

_He smirked, clearly trying to look sophisticated, and instead looking a lot like a sixteen-year-old boy who had a pretty girl tied up and at his mercy. "I _am_ the prince of the Fire Nation. When I hand the Avatar to my father, he'll reinstate me. I could give you riches . . . land . . . maybe even a little of the prince?" He clearly thought the last one was a winning argument. Then he kissed her._

"And?"

"And what?"

"You liked it, I know that much."

"It's not really important."

"Yes, it is."

_The kiss was amazing._

"It was pretty good, okay? Not _that_ great."

"You were all over me. I mean, as much as the rope allowed."

"I was _playing for time_."

"You wanted me."

"Shut up."

_She followed his mouth as he pulled away. She was flushed and her eyes were closed as she savoured the sensation of his lips on hers. _

"Do you actually think like this?"

"What's wrong with is?"

"Where do I begin?"

_She tried to play along, hoping that the longer she drew this out, the more time would be spent with pleasant kissing, and less with threats and torture. "Well?" he asked. "Do you have a decision? Me and the perks of royalty, or some idiot child?"_

_No matter how good a kisser he was, there were limits. "Aang is ten times the person you are, and I can't see how any money or chance to be your girlfriend would make me choose that over world peace." And just because he'd really annoyed her, she lied. "And you're a crappy kisser anyhow."_

_He let out an aggravated shout and called the others back in._

"What?" Sokka squawked. "You took advantage of my sister _while she was tied to a tree?_" He launched himself at Zuko and the whole situation degenerated into a free-for-all food fight.


	3. The Seige of Well, Something

Suki was determined to find out the rest of the story, so one day, while Katara and Zuko were getting fitted for wedding clothes, she asked, "So, the food fight interrupted the first time I asked. What else did the Dai Li make you forget?"

"Yeah!" demanded Sokka, who was along because he'd gotten it into his mind somehow that Zuko was going to deflower his sister in a changeroom surrounded by half a dozen little old ladies and various tailoring assistants. "I want to know when else it was you _took advantage of my sister_."

"I didn't take advantage of anything," Zuko groused. "If anyone did, it was her."

Katara turned to stare at him. "Excuse me?"

_Zuko had finally managed to make it to where the Avatar sat, deep in meditation, his eyes and tattoos glowing eerily in the dimness of the Northern Oasis. As he crept silently into the sacred space he heard Katara say, "No. He's my friend. I'm perfectly capable of protecting him."_

"_Well, aren't you a big girl now," he said with a smirk. The little Water Tribe girl thought she could stand against him? He was no master, but he'd been trained since he was a small child in firebending, while she was stealing scrolls to learn elementary moves._

"I didn't beat you hard enough that time," Katara muttered.

_She whipped about in shock. "No!"_

"_Yes!" he mocked. "Hand him over, and I won't have to hurt you." _

_He stepped forward, but she didn't so much as flinch. She cocked a hip in an extremely distracting posture, (and how had he never noticed how . . . lithe she was?) and said, "Won't have to hurt me? What happened to making me your girlfriend?"_

"Okay, that's not getting you out of the bear-dog house," Katara informed him.

_She was extremely frustrating. "That was a one-time offer when I didn't have the Avatar sitting helpless in front of me."_

"_Well," she said, "Not that I'd've taken the offer if it _was_ still standing, but _I'm_ right here, and you'll have to go through me to get him."_

_This was a little new. He was a prince and had had girls falling all over him ever since he'd turned twelve and was known to be an extremely eligible bachelor. "It's the scar isn't it?" he demanded. "And my banishment. You don't think I can get father to reinstate me either."_

"I was _not_ whining about my father," Zuko glared at her, incensed.

"Yes you were."

_She stared. "You think I'm rejecting you because of a scar?"_

_Now he was sulking._

"No, I wasn't."

"Were too."

"_Why else? I have power, money, my uncle is one of the greatest generals the world has ever seen-"_

"Why thank you, nephew."

"Uncle? What are you doing here?"

Iroh beamed. "I heard you were getting fitted for your robes and I thought it would be an excellent time to catch up with you while you could not run away."

"Hey!" Toph said from where she had joined the group for no other reason than that she got to make the, "Thanks for backing my aesthetic opinion – hey! You're blind!" joke a million times at fittings. "We're in the middle of a story here."

"_Maybe I don't want to go out with you because you're trying to kidnap my friend and hand him over to a despotic and insane man who is intent on destroying the world by the next solstice?" Katara demanded._

_Zuko paused. "I . . . hadn't thought of that."_

"Seriously?"

"I hadn't!"

_His focus returned. "That's neither here, nor there. Hand him over now!" he shouted and launched himself at her. Several fireballs later, Katara had kept herself from injury. Less so her clothes. The top of her dress gave up the ghost as the heat sizzled close by, and Zuko was treated to the sight of her top falling off, leaving her in nothing but her white underwraps._

_His jaw dropped and he stood there like a chump while she bended the water to blast him backwards._

"Like a chump?"

"You were just standing there!"

"_You_ had no clothes on!"

"Pfft. I had on bindings."

"That's underwear, not clothes."

"For the record," Sokka interjected, "I have to agree with jerkbender. Your wraps are not clothes. Is that why you were wearing your parka when we got there? You were naked?" Suki shushed him. The story was getting good.

_Zuko leered at her. "I see you've picked up a few new . . . tricks," he said. Every skeevy implication possible shading his words. "But I didn't come this far to lose to you." She glared and responded with a few carefully aimed ice discs. Those carefully judged cuts sent his shirt falling to the ground, and she stared, impressed at his chiselled, muscular chest._

"You really _have_ been reading romance scrolls."

"Shut up."

_She grinned. "I think I should preserve you on ice, just like this," she told him, and a few rapid gestures had him entrapped in a thick, see-through, bubble of ice._

"_You little peasant," he snarled, and blasted his way out. In a moment of insanity, he didn't attack her with his bending. Moving faster than she could respond, he tackled her to the ground, pinning her down. "You're lying. You _do_ want me."_

_They kissed._

"What!" came Aang's appalled voice.

"Aang?" Katara asked, bewildered. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd gone to meditate with Guru Pathik."

"I came back so I could let you go properly," Aang told her. "I can't believe you. I was nearly killed by Koh in the Spirit World and you were making out with Zuko?"

"Well . . . I . . . He made me!"

"Oh, yeah," Zuko shot her a sardonic look.

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, shoving her tongue into his mouth. He moaned happily. Three years was a very long time to live on a ship that was exclusively staffed by men, with very rare opportunities to see girls his own age._

"Man," Sokka said. "That explains why you're so into Katara. You hadn't seen any real girls in for_ever_."

Katara turned to the seamstress that was pinning her skirts. "Can I go kill him right now?"

"No. You don't get to kill your brother until I'm sure the hem is even and you're out of the dress so you don't get blood on it."

Katara pouted.

_They broke apart panting, and Zuko caught sight of the glowing Avatar and was reminded of his mission. He dove for the boy, but Katara blocked him and sent him whirling upward in a wave of ice. Soon he was frozen in place, all his efforts of the night catching up to him. So he stopped. Too exhausted to continue. She walked up to him, climbing her own ice to stand face to face with him. "Why do you need Aang to be reinstated?" she asked, softly._

_He glared, but it had none of its usual heat. "My father banished me for challenging his generals. He burned me, banished me and took away my honour. I will never get my honour back unless I bring him the Avatar."_

"_I'm sorry," she told him. "I'm sorry you're so blind you can't see how wrong that is."She leaned forward and cupped his face in her hands, then kissed him gently. She didn't even notice the ice melting until he pulled away, suddenly free. This next match, he won._

"If you hadn't distracted me, I would have had you again," Katara told him grouchily.

He grinned. "You can have me whenever you want."

"AAUUUUGGGHH!" Sokka shrieked. "My ears! They burn!"

"Shut up, Sokka," everyone chorused.

_After they had fetched Zuko back, Katara had said she was going to ice him over to take him prisoner. The others went on ahead, and she knelt, quickly using a handful of water to heal some of the contusions on his face._

"What!" Sokka demanded. "He was the enemy! What's wrong with you!"

"I was hoping that if I showed mercy I could reform him!" Katara snapped.

"Ooooooohh," Suki said. "Katara, fixer-uppers are a bad idea."

_He woke, and she told him, "You'd better hurry and leave. Aang's awake now and the others are waiting."_

_Zuko thought, quickly, realising he was out of options this time around, got to his feet and turned to leave. Then he turned back, kissed her again, saying, "For luck," and hurried off._

The seamstress finished. "There you go dear. Can I ask that you kill your brother outside? I'd hate to have to demand reparations from the palace.

So once again, Suki had to wait on the end of the story as Katara chased her brother into the street.


	4. A Chaser to a Chase

Suki had given up on catching Katara alone. The waterbender was joined at the hip to her betrothed, neither of them wanting to let the other out of their sight for even a moment. On top of that, Aang and Sokka seemed to have come to the decision that the pair, if left alone to themselves for even a moment, would descend to acting like sex-crazed weasel-bunnies. In the end, Suki's curiosity overrode her patience, and while they were enjoying a picnic lunch on the palace grounds, she finally asked, "Am I ever going to hear about the rest of the things the Dai Li made you forget, or do I have to perish of curiosity?"

"Yes!" shouted Toph. "More fighting!"

"What?" Katara said, turning to look at the violently-inclined blind girl.

Toph grinned. "Every time you tell us another story about what happened with you and Sparky, someone starts a fight. It's great!"

"I don't care," Suki said. "I just want to know what else we all missed."

"No kidding," grumbled Sokka. "How did I miss that my sister was having secret assignations with the enemy."

Aang pouted. "How did I miss that Katara just thinks of me like a little brother?"

They all turned to stare at him.

"What?"

Impatiently, Suki asked, "So? What else?"

Katara sighed.

_Mai, Ty Lee and Azula had been chasing them for so long, none of them had slept for days. Appa wasn't going to move any time soon, and Katara was pretty sure that the only thing that would wake the others would be imminent Fire Nation attack. After the showdown with Azula, they had staggered to a sheltered place nearby and pretty much collapsed, no one even bothering with tents, just crawling into sleeping bags and passing out._

_She was exhausted, but she couldn't get the look on Zuko's face out of her head. His uncle was lying there, hurt, and he'd looked as though his world had just ended. The old man had taken a lightning bolt and it didn't look good. It also meant that it was likely Zuko wouldn't have gone that far either._

_He hadn't. He was kneeling beside his uncle, still among those deserted buildings, sponging the man's brow and keening-_

"Keening?"

"High-pitched mourning noise, Zuko. You were keening."

"I was _not_ keening."

"Were so."

_He looked up as she approached, wary both in spite of and because of, their history._

"Huh?"

"The kissing and the trying to capture the Avatar thing," Suki said impatiently.

"And the fact that I kicked his butt twice at the North Pole."

"The second time doesn't count."

"Does so."

"Get on with it," said the Kyoshi warrior.

_She said, "I can help him, if you'll let me."_

"_Why would I trust you?" he asked. _

"_Because he needs help and you know that I wouldn't hurt a helpless man," Katara replied._

_After a moment, he back away, and she knelt next to him. "There's a lot of internal damage that I'm not sure I can do a lot with," she said. "But give me a minute."_

_She pulled out her waterskin, bringing water to cover her hand. When she placed it on his chest, it erupted into a blue-white glow. He was a little nervous-_

"You freaked out and tried to kill me."

"I didn't!"

"Then what was all the yanking away and throwing fire at me about?"

_Having only one experience with blue glows, and that being when Azula was using lightning, Zuko reacted instinctively to grab Katara by the wrist, spinning her away from his uncle and taking a defensive position in front of him, hands limned in fire._

"_Look, I'm trying to heal him, but I can't do it if you don't let me," Katara snapped. _

_His eyes narrowed. "Then show me," he said. He held out a hand, and she could see a scrape on the palm. "On me, first."_

_She rolled her eyes, and healed the scrape, the sensation causing his eyes to bulge in a very strange manner._

"My eyes weren't bulging."

"Yes they were."

"It . . . oh, forget it."

_The feeling was amazingly sensual as she gently ran a glowing hand over the scrape and Zuko felt a distict surge of attraction-_

"You were _turned on_?"

"You look really sexy when you're healing. Do you know that?"

"One less night in the bear-dog house," Katara told him with a sappy smile.

Sokka made a mock-vomiting motion. Zuko, when Katara turned away quickly fist-pumped in the air, mouthing, "Yes!"

_Having proved she was only going to heal Iroh, Katara was finally able to kneel next to the old man and fix as much of the internal damage as she could reach. When she'd finished, she turned to Zuko. "I've had to leave the chest wound open because the parts I can't reach will have to drain. You'll need to change the bandages every few hours. Wash them and use your fire to scorch them before you put them onto him." She pulled out a bundle of herbs which she showed him how to use. Some for teas and some for a healing poultice._

_When she'd finished, she was about to leave when he grabbed her in a hug. "Thank you," he murmured into her shoulder. They stood in each others' embrace for a while. They stood for so long, in fact, that Katara fell asleep standing._

"You were so cute, drooling on my shoulder," Zuko told her.

"I do not drool!"

"Only when you're exhausted."

_A few hours later she woke, cradled against his strong, warm body-_

"You have to stop reading romance scrolls."

"What part of that is a lie?"

"That's not the point."

"_Why did you come back to help my uncle?" were the first words out of his mouth._

"_We weren't that far off, and you needed help," she replied._

_Zuko frowned. "I would have thought you'd try to get as far away from me as possible," he said. "I still plan to capture the Avatar."_

_She snorted. "You're not as ruthless as you like to pretend you are."_

_He bristled at that. "What do you mean?"_

"_Aside from the fact that you're constantly trying to make out with me, you're clearly more concerned about your uncle than chasing us. Otherwise you would have done something already."_

"_I _am_ ruthless!" he snapped. "I am just as strong as my sister."_

"_Being strong doesn't have to mean being ruthless," she told him. From there the conversation just continued. They talked about everything._

"What sort of everything?" Aang asked curiously.

Katara shrugged. "His mother, my mother, why he was trying to capture you, what it was like growing up at the South Pole, what it was like growing up in the Fire Nation palace, who had more annoying relatives-"

"Hey!" shouted Sokka.

Katara shot him a look. "I won because Iroh never made Zuko wash his socks."

"I thought I won because you never had to see your grandmother naked in a hot spring and I had to see Uncle in that . . . urgh." He broke off, shuddering. "And then he was captured by earthbenders. I had to fight off earthbenders with him while he was in nothing but a loincloth." Zuko shuddered again.

Katara shrugged. "I thought quantity trumped quality in that case." She added, "Besides, have you seen Sokka kissing his boomerang? Creepy."

"That reminds me," Sokka groused. "I can't find my boomerang after that last time I threw it at Zuko."

Suki elbowed him. "Did anything else happen?"

_Katara fell asleep in the middle of a sentence, her exhaustion catching up to her and Zuko didn't have the heart to wake her. He checked his uncle one more time, noting that the man's colour was much better and he seemed to be resting comfortably. Then he picked Katara up and carried her the surprisingly short distance to where the Avatar and his friends had made camp._

"Which very loosely describes the bunch of you just lying on the ground there. If Sokka and Toph hadn't been in a snoring competition, I might have thought you were all dead."

Sokka looked offended. "I do not snore!"

Everyone turned to him, saying at once, "Yes, you do."

_Then Zuko carefully tucked Katara into her sleeping bag and crept back to his uncle. He'd try to capture the Avatar some other time. It wouldn't be honourable to do it now._

"Wow," Sokka told him. "You really take that honour thing seriously. That was kinda dumb."

"Are you seriously insulting me for _not_ capturing Aang?"

Sokka would have responded, but the missing boomerang fell out of a tree where it had lodged and landed point first in Zuko's topknot, creating a jaunty sort of decorative effect. The tribesman grinned widely and shouted, "Boomerang! You really _do_ always come back!" He ran forward, practically tackled Zuko, yanking the weapon out of his hair (and coincidentally the hair out of the topknot).

"Did you just . . ." Zuko stared at the other man as he started to hug and kiss his favoured weapon with a passion that should only be reserved for someone's significant other.

Then Sokka came up for air and started laughing at Zuko. "You should see your face!"

The two indignities in a row were too much, and Zuko decided to try his hand at beating Sokka within an inch of his life.

Suki and Katara, watching the two roll around on the ground, looked at each other, sighed, and said, "Boys."

"I don't see why _I_ have to get insulted," muttered Aang. "I wasn't being immature."

"Rip his ponytail off, Zuko!" shouted Toph. "Stick that boomerang where the sun don't shine, Sokka!"

Katara and Suki both rolled their eyes and headed off inside. Maybe the kitchen had some more of those lovely nut cakes and some tea to go with them.


	5. Dating around Ba Sing Se

"Are you ever gonna start another fight, Katara?" Toph demanded at dinner a few evenings after the most recent kerfuffle.

"What?" Katara asked.

Toph looked quite annoyed as she explained. "I already told you this. Every time you tell another story about you and Sparky before the brainwashing in Ba Sing Se, there's a fight. I'm bored. Start another fight already."

"What?" Zuko echoed.

Aang sighed. "As much as I don't really want to hear this, I think we all deserve to know the rest of why you two decided to get married out of nowhere." He put down his vegetable jook and looked a little nauseated as he spoke, but he also looked quite resigned.

Katara sighed. "Well, you know how Zuko and Iroh were working in a tea shop in Ba Sing Se. . ."

_Katara had gone exploring and wound up overhearing one of the maids at a nearby house talking about the handsome boy with the scar on his face and his uncle. She caught the girl, questioning her briefly and discovered, from her descriptions that it had to be Zuko. Curious, and very interested, she snuck some of the expensive food from the house they were staying in and bribed the girl to set up a date with Zuko on her behalf. She also made sure that the girl, Jin, wouldn't tell Zuko the date was with Katara specifically._

_That evening, Katara met him at the prearranged restaurant. He was already waiting at their table when she sat down in the other seat. His eyes went wide. "You!"_

_She smiled. "Yes, me. What are you doing here?"_

"_Nothing," he snapped. "You set this meeting up to do what? Taunt me about how low I've fallen?"_

"_No," she snapped back. "I wanted to know if you were still chasing us since your sister seems determined to kill you under your father's orders."_

_His jaw clenched, manfully-_

"You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"Would you stop harping on my narrative technique?"

"You don't have technique, you have overwrought, flowery, purple, prose."

"Hrmph."

_In the end, it was only in the interests of avoiding a scene that he didn't storm out of there._

"You mean, you made a scene, and I would have been lynched by the people there for making you cry."

Every eye in the room turned to stare at Katara. She flushed under the scrutiny. "I didn't want him to leave?" she offered.

"_Excuse me sir, would you and your girlfriend care for dessert?" asked the waiter._

"_She's not my girlfriend!" Zuko practically shouted._

_Instead of responding the way she had the last time the implication was made, she suddenly burst into tears, spouting the most humiliating nonsense. "If you wanted to break up with me, why did you bring me here, Lee?" She buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking with feigned sobs. "And on our anniversary!"_

"Katara!" Sokka said.

"I know," she said, miserably. "I didn't want him to go. I panicked."

"Katara!" Aang said, looking horrified.

Zuko smirked. "I knew you wanted me."

_In a blind panic, not wanting any more attention to be drawn to himself, Zuko grasped at straws to silence her. "Honey, did you forget why we were celebrating? You've been acting like this all day. We're engaged now, remember?"_

Suki made a delighted high-pitched noise, then exclaimed, "That is _so_ romantic!"

Katara looked wistful. "It really is."

_With no other reason to cry, she flung herself over the table, saying something about how she was an idiot and kissed him. They stayed that way to the applause in the restaurant. Zuko decided that he really didn't mind for as long as the kiss went on._

Sokka and Aang were making choking noises while Toph had both hands clapped over her mouth to muffle the snorted laughter. Suki had a bright grin on her face as she looked at the couple who were staring deeply into each other's eyes.

"This is quite better than my favourite romance scroll," Iroh said, a little misty-eyed.

The moment broke as Katara shot him a look. "So I have you to thank for his reading taste?"

_Eventually they broke off and finished their meal. They slowly made their way through the city in silence, holding hands. Neither wanted to shatter the perfection of the moment, letting the silence stretch between them, saying all that needed to be said about their connection with each other._

"I hear anything about the animal with two heads and I'm bailing out on this," Toph said. "Romance is weird."

Iroh sighed. "That is one of the most beautiful tales, Miss Toph."

"I don't want to hear about it either, Uncle," Zuko said hastily.

_They had to talk at some point, however. "I'm sorry," Katara told him sincerely. "It was just . . . we've kissed and you sort of offered to be my boyfriend before, and it just felt a little like you'd decided I was repulsive."_

_He stared. "So . . . that whole thing in front of Jun-"_

"_Who?"_

"_The bounty hunter."_

"_Oh. That was because Sokka was there. Really, his head would explode if I didn't freak out about you in front of him."_

"_What_?" Sokka shrieked. "You were just . . . faking? The whole time?"

Suki leaned back and looked at Zuko as though assessing him objectively. "He _is_ quite handsome if you're just sticking to appearances."

Sokka choked on his meat, then made some random gurgling noises, then made random vowel noises after working the meat down. Suki, to the disgust of everyone else at the table looked at Sokka with a face that said, "Isn't he just _adorable_?"

_Zuko finally admitted to her that he was there as a refugee, hiding from the Fire Nation like most of the others in the Lower Circle. Not knowing whether he just wanted to see her again or whether he wanted to pump her for information on the Avatar, Zuko agreed to meet again._

"I can't believe you put us all at risk like that!" Sokka said, waving his arms in the air like a maniac.

Aang was just wide-eyed and shocked.

Toph was muttering under her breath. If one were to listen closely, they would have heard, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

_It was right after they got Appa back that Zuko missed a date. And they had become dates in the meanwhile. There hadn't been many of them, but they'd chatted, sharing interests and every one had ended with deeply sensual kisses that left them both breathless and wanting-_

"Katara is right, nephew. You do narrate much like _The Golden Flower of Pao-Tse,_" Iroh commented.

Zuko blushed. Suki perked up. "_The Golden Flower of Pao-Tse_?" she said eagerly. "Oh, that's my favourite!"

Toph made a face. "It's okay. _Dragonmaster's Daughter_ is way better." The whole table now turned to stare at her. Aware of the stares in her own way, Toph glared around impartially. "I had a nurse who used to read them aloud instead of the books on proper ladylike behaviour."

"Oh . . ." Everyone around the table silently tried not to express that they had, perhaps, discovered the origins of Toph's complete lack of decorum.

_Katara was feeling rather unhappy about it, especially since they'd had to flee the city with Appa, then fight their way back in to see the Earth King. She went looking, and discovered Iroh's new location in the Upper Ring. _

"And you didn't drop by?" Iroh sent her a sad look.

"I didn't know whether I could trust you," she told him.

Sokka's jaw hit the floor with that. "So you trusted _Zuko_, the guy who tied you to a tree and force-kissed you-"

"There wasn't _that_ much force," Katara told him.

He ignored her. "And tried to capture Aang-"

"He could have right after the thing with Azula chasing us and Iroh getting hurt and he didn't," Katara protested.

"But you didn't trust the guy who helped us fight Zhao at the North Pole?" Sokka finished incredulously.

"Pretty much," Katara said blithely.

Zuko stared at her. "That doesn't even make sense to me, Katara."

_She followed him home, and waiting until he left to go back to work, crept in and found Zuko lying on his bed, sweaty with fever and twisting about, muttering about his mother, dragons and fire. Something in her twinged, and she chose to sit with him every moment she could get away. Sometimes he woke and recognised her, sometimes he seemed to see someone else where she sat._

Katara stopped talking, losing herself in the memories. Finally, running out of patience with her, Toph picked up a chopstick and poked Katara hard in the ribs with it. "Ow!"

"More story!" Toph demanded. "No one's started fighting yet."

"You are a disturbing person," Sokka informed the earthbender.

_When Zuko was finally awake and coherent while Katara was there, they talked and he agreed that he no longer wanted to hunt Aang down. He'd had an epiphany and all he wanted was to find himself and his own path. He agreed to talk to his uncle about teaching Aang firebending_.

Katara sighed. "And that was when I did something dumb." She looked at Suki. "I thought it was you. Azula was dressed in your armour with the Kyoshi makeup on, and she caught me. So I told you . . . her . . . what I thought was you but was her, about me and Zuko."

"What?" Suki said, eyes wide.

Katara winced. "I know, I know."

"How could you think it was me from up close? I look nothing like her!" Suki demanded waving her hands.

"Now sweetheart," Sokka said, trying to placate his girlfriend, "We were all fooled, and you have to admit all that thick paint makes a person almost unrecognisable."

Suki was having none of it. "You got close enough to talk and you thought I looked like that skinny, freakish, mutant-faced-"

"Hey!" Zuko snapped. "She looks just like my mother, and if you're calling Azula ugly, you're calling my mother ugly."

"Well maybe you need to get your memory checked, 'cause your sister's a mutant with weird eyes," snapped Suki.

So the fight started and Toph cheered the two on while Sokka and Katara tried to get their respective significant others to stop. Aang and Iroh shared looks of resignation and took their food elsewhere to talk philosophy. There was no point in brokering peace there. Hostilities would just have to cease on their own.


	6. A happy ending?

This is the end, folks! Also, yes, this just ratcheted up the rating to a solid M. Sorry, couldn't be helped.

* * *

Weeks had passed and finally it was Sokka who broke. "I can't take it any more," he declared one night after the wedding rehearsal. They had all, rather coincidentally, pretty much crashed the kitchen at the same time in search of a midnight snack. Aang was up to his ears in fruit pies, Sokka had bags of fire flakes, Suki and Katara were working through a mulligan stew of jook they'd thrown together while Zuko had a plate piled high with strange-looking delicacies that only rich people think they like because only rich people can afford them. Toph was stealing food from everyone indiscriminately because that was less trouble than getting her own.

"Can't take what?" asked Zuko. He offered some of his weird rich-people food to Suki (with whom he had reached an armistice after they had reached the realisation that the whole situation in Ba Sing Se had been Katara's fault) and to Katara (who had been forgiven because she had agreed under duress to admit to being a flake – something she took back once Suki let go of the headlock but it was enough to bring the mess to a close).

"The suspense," Sokka explained. "What happened to the two of you in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se?"

"Oh," Suki said. "I thought that was pretty obvious," she said to her boyfriend. "Azula took them to be brainwashed, then tossed them in. It's not like she didn't already know they were together."

Zuko winced. "Well . . ." he jerked as Katara kicked him. Glancing her way, he saw widened eyes as she clearly tried to communicate something to him. _No!_ she mouthed. "Suki's right," he said.

"Lying!" sang out Toph.

Zuko shot an annoyed look at her. "Just once, could you let someone get away with a little white lie?"

Sokka's eyes narrowed. "So what happened?"

While Katara put her head in her arms and whimpered, Zuko began.

"_Katara!" Zuko shouted as she was tossed in beside him. "Are you okay?"_

"_I'm sorry," she said, tears in her eyes. "I thought it was someone else, and when I knew it was Azula it was too late. I'm so sorry."_

"_What happened?" he asked. _

"_She was wearing Suki's armour and her makeup," Katara explained miserably. "I thought it was Suki."_

_Zuko sighed in resignation, pulling her into his strong warm embrace-_

"First, no, you freaked out and refused to believe it was a mistake, and second, if I have to burn every single romance scroll in this palace, I will."

"You are a cruel and domineering woman," Zuko told her.

"You know you love it," Katara said as she snuggled into him.

Sokka banged a hand on the table, startling everyone. "Hey! Story in progress."

"_I can't believe you would betray me like this!" he exclaimed._

_Katara shouted back, "How many times do I have to tell you, it was a mistake!"_

"_You mistook my _sister_ for one of the Kyoshi warriors? One you personally know?" Zuko snapped at her._

"Exactly my point," muttered Suki.

"Please don't start," begged Aang.

_Azula's shrill laughter interrupted. "Oh, Zuzu, only you would fall for someone stupid enough to do that." She grinned maliciously. "She really did think I was the dead Kyoshi girl."_

"Dead!" gasped Sokka. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"First," Katara shot him a baffled look, "What part of 'I didn't remember any of this after' are you not getting? Second, why are you upset that I didn't tell you that I thought Suki was dead when she's sitting right there?"

"It's the principle of the thing," Sokka informed her with all the dignity he could muster. Unfortunately, that left him sounding rather like Fire Sage Shyu with a head cold.

_Katara muffled a sob, and Zuko pulled her against his strong, muscled chest-_

"Just stop interrupting me, okay?" Zuko said as Katara opened her mouth.

_Azula continued. "That's neither here, nor there, Zuzu. Father's willing to forgive everything if you're willing to help us take the Avatar here and now."_

_He rolled his eyes in response. "What possible reason would I believe that?" he asked her. "I was faithful to him, and the only thing I ever did wrong was to try to save the lives of our troops. He banished me for that and I spent three years trying to find the Avatar because of that."_

"_And you failed," Azula said with a smirk._

_Katara snorted. "So, basically, you're saying that lack of competence is the same as treason?"_

"_Of course," Azula told her. _

"_Wow," Zuko said. "It looks like Father should have disowned you, then, for all the failures you've had since you started chasing the Avatar."_

"Ballsy," Toph said. "Stupid, but ballsy. Just the way I likes it!"

"You're a strange person, Toph," Zuko said to her.

_Azula snarled, blue fire flickering around her teeth-_

"See, I don't get that," Sokka said. "How does that work? Don't you burn your mouth or something? Gah!" he fell backwards onto the floor as a tongue of fire shot from Zuko's mouth a little to the left of where his shoulder had been.

"Huh," Zuko said contemplatively. "Only if I stopped partway through. Otherwise, my mouth handles it just like my hands do."

"I just always wondered if she could breathe lightning," Aang piped up. "I mean, isn't that the next logical step?"

At the wide-eyed look on Zuko's face, Katara and Suki snickered.

_Azula stormed off, clearly put out that Zuko had called her on her lie. After she left, the couple curled up together on the ground. Katara leaned against him, her shining brown hair glowing in the glowing light of the crystals-_

"Glowing in the glowing light?" Katara said.

Zuko sighed. "I'm trying to compliment how beautiful you are and all you can do is criticise."

Her face softened. "Oh, Zuko. You're right. I shouldn't. You're just . . . so sweet!"

Sokka and Aang made barfy faces while Toph stared towards the ceiling, clearly waiting for it to be over.

Suki however . . . "Ow! Suki! What?"

"Why don't you ever even try to do things like that?"

"Like what?"

"Talk poetry about how I look?"

In no mood to be nice after she'd _hit him_, Sokka said, "There once was a Warrior from Kyoshi, who's makeup was weird and- Ow!"

"Just shut up," she told him.

"_I'm sorry," Katara said again. _

_Zuko tightened his arms around her. "It's okay. I forgive you."_

"_Aang and Toph will get us out," She told him._

"What about me?" Sokka asked.

"You're not an earthbender," Toph said bluntly. "You'd be the cheering section."

"What? Like those girls at the international bending competition?" Sokka asked. "The ones with the little little outfits that . . ." at the sight of a fan raised threateningly, Sokka continued, "Have nothing on Suki in Fire Nation clothes," A peek showed the fan only a little lowered. "Or her armour?" he tried.

Satisfied with the fine degree of control she was showing over Sokka, Suki lowered the fan completely.

"I'd been thinking there should be a male cheering section," Katara commented. "In little tiny loincloths and covered in oil."

Suki's eyes lit up. "Mmmm. Nice." She looked at Sokka contemplatively. "I could do with one of those . . ."

Katara shot a grin at Zuko. "I know just what you mean."

"As long as I don't have to go out in public," the two said in tandem. Then they looked at each other. "Ew," they said at the thought of seeing the other guy like that.

_There was silence, and then the couple kissed, knowing that it could be the last time they saw each other and not wanting to risk losing the chance. Then Azula came bursting in, accompanied by the Dai Li, who had the two restrained before they could even begin to respond. Azula's face was twisted maliciously as she said, "Since you won't cooperate, Zuzu, I'm going to make sure of it. Gentlemen, if you would deal with these two?"_

"_Torture Azula?" Zuko demanded. "I suppose that's not beneath you."_

_But Katara suddenly knew what was going on. "Zuko! Don't let them make you forget!" she shouted as they dragged her off._

Katara looked sadly at the floor. "And then they took us to a small room and . . . it was dark and there was this spinning lamp and I just . . . it got blurry," she said. "And I forgot."

Zuko hugged her. He turned to the rest of the table and said, "Okay? Now you know, can we let this go?"

Sobered, they all nodded and trailed off toward bed. Except that Toph grabbed Suki and pulled her off, lying in wait for Katara. When the waterbender turned a corner on her way to the room she had to stay in, separate from Zuko, until their actual wedding night, she found herself being dragged down the hall to Suki's room. "Wha-?" she said as the two hauled her inside.

Toph glared. "So . . . what did you leave out? We know you left something out," she said.

Suki perked up. "Yes! Tell."

"I . . . you . . . okay," Katara said. "Just don't tell Sokka. His head would explode."

_As they kissed, Katara felt like she was starting to burn up, in a good way. They were both desperate and neither knew if there would ever be another chance for them to be together. Soon she was straddling his lap as his hands buried themselves in her hair._

_Gasping for breath, she pulled back, but he determinedly kept kissing, his lips travelling from hers, onto her chin, down her throat until they reached the neck of her dress. He made an irritated sound and undid her sash pulling it open so he could get at more of her skin._

Suki grinned, then bounced happily on the bed. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Zuko asked from the door way. "And why is Katara here, instead of in her room?"

Toph smirked. "That you and Katara did the nasty under Ba Sing Se."

"We . . . I . . . Katara!"

"It's girl talk!" Katara protested. "I got to hear all about Toph's fling with the Boulder's cousin, it's only fair."

Suki grinned as Zuko started to protest. "Are you worried Katara will tell us something . . . less than impressive about you?" she asked.

"Hmmph," Zuko muttered, and stomped out the door.

"Well?" Suki asked Katara.

_She responded by pulling his shirt off and running her hands all over the defined muscles._

"So he's not making anything up about that?" Toph asked.

Katara looked grumpily at her. "No. It's not that he's not smoothly muscled or strong or whatever else," she said. "It's that it sounds tacky."

"Except when you're telling us all the details," Suki said.

"Except then," admitted Katara.

_He tugged at her underwraps, pulling them off and saying, "Finally," as her breasts were exposed to the cool air, her nipples puckering from a combination of the temperature and anticipation._

"You have a mouth on you when you get started," Toph said.

Katara flushed. "Zuko said he likes it when I talk dirty."

"Oooo!" was Suki's helpful reply.

_He leaned down, sucking first one, than the other into his mouth, making her squirm against him, more importantly, against the fairly large bulge in his lap._

Suki sighed. "What I wouldn't give to know how he stacks up against Sokka."

"And Aang," Toph put in. They turned to look at her. "What? I'm not allowed my own interests in this?"

Katara made a face. "Aang should be bigger, and Sokka and Zuko are the same size," she said irritably.

The other two gaped. "How do you know that?" Suki asked suspiciously.

"They're teenaged boys and I was travelling with them for a year. Trust me, I walked in on a lot of stuff I didn't want to see my brother and little-brother-imitation doing."

"Oh."

"Heeeyyy," Toph said with a happy grin. "Twinkletoes, here I come."

_A few sharp grinds later and he pulled away, gasping. She grinned down at him driving her hips against his one extra time, hard, then pushed him back so she could do the same to his nipples. The groans that escaped him were an amazing turn-on._

_But they didn't have time to play too much, and they both quickly stripped each other out of their clothes, coming together. He slid into her, startled when he discovered she had no maidenhead-_

"Why?" Suki demanded.

Katara sighed. "When my bleeding started when I was twelve, one of the women in the village had just gone into labour. I panicked and there was an incident. That's all I'm gonna say."

"An incident?" Suki asked.

Katara glared. "Just let it go!"

"You did something dumb, didn't you, Sweetness," Toph said.

When her mumbled explanation included the words, "Sokka" and "Stuffed tiger-seal," Suki's eyes went wide. "Is that why he's got that obsession with Mr. Wiggles?"

Katara moaned.

_But it just meant that the pain she might have otherwise felt for her first time was absent. Soon he was stroking into her, the both of them wanting to finish, to know what this was like before Azula walked in on them. _

_The tension coiled inside her until finally it exploded. They were about to dress when Katara recalled the risk of pregnancy._

"You didn't get pregnant, did you?" Suki asked, horrified at the thought of Katara having possibly miscarried.

"No," Katara said. "Although the whole thing was embarrassing enough that I almost wish I had. Would have been less humiliating."

"Humiliating?" Toph inquired.

_Twisting a hand, she carefully grasped the water in and around Zuko's seed, bending it out of her. With a flick of her wrist, she sent it flying, only to hear it slap onto something that sounded like skin, not rock._

"You threw it at Zuko?" gasped Suki.

"No."

_Looking up, the still-naked pair saw Long Feng, white liquid dripping off his forehead and down his nose._

Toph burst into hysterical laughter, followed by Suki. The pair were shrieking as Toph gasped between howls, "You . . . you slept with . . . with Zuko and then threw his . . . his . . . all over Long Feng's face?"

"AAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Sokka's scream of denial and mental pain was heard all over the palace. The girls rushed to the door and saw Zuko, Aang and Sokka standing by the door where they'd been eavesdropping.

"You were _listening_?" Katara demanded, appalled.

"I was standing guard so no one else would hear anything," Zuko quickly denied.

"Then why was Sokka listening?"

"Because your brother is stubborn?" Zuko suggested irritably.

"And Aang?"

"I just wanted to know what Sokka and Zuko were doing arguing outside Suki's door," Aang said. He turned a little green. "I wish I didn't know. Actually," he said thoughtfully. "I'm glad you broke up with me," he said. "I don't really think you'd know how to behave right to be the wife of the Avatar."

It was late and Katara had had quite enough of embarrassment at her expense. She shrieked in fury and started chasing Aang down the hall. His bad luck he turned toward the fountain rather than away from it.

Toph went after them, cheering them on, leaving Suki to salve Sokka's wounded mind's eye and Zuko to try to fob off the guards with an explanation of what was going on.

Then they all lived happily ever after except for Sokka's PTSD-like reactions to any mention of Ba Sing Se.


End file.
